I Can't Pretend
by Binky1987
Summary: Canon AU. Obi dreams of a red forest and two green pools every night since his memory loss after receiving a blow to the head in a fight. He remembers everyone except for a beautiful red haired pharmacist that he just cannot recall. Sometimes the mind plays tricks on you but the subconscious can't be forgotten and you can't pretend its not there. Love is hard to forget.


**I Can't Pretend**

 _Love, I have wounds  
Only you can mend  
You can mend oh oh oh  
I guess that's love  
I can't pretend  
I can't pretend, oh oh oh_

 _Oh feel our bodies grow  
And our souls they play, yeah  
Yeah love I hope you know  
How much my heart depends, yeah_

 _-Lyrics from Tom Odell's "I Can't Pretend"_

 **Part I**

 **A/N:** _Hi all, another one (I know...). If you guys haven't noticed, there is a country that sits above Tanbarun and Clarines. I have no idea what its called (can't find this info anywhere), so for all my fics that might feature this country, I call it "Gladgolt" - which is a totally fictitious name by the way. Thank you to those who actually read my stories, I appreciate it! This will also just only be a two or three part story. Thanks for reading!_

* * *

Every time he closed his eyes and slumber took him, he saw green pools and a red forest.

The forest was lush with what could only be described as maple leaves and red bark. Every leaf was a different hue of red - some lighter, some darker - but always red.

When he walked through the red forest, he could feel how soft the leaves were as they touched the tips of his fingers. And he would look around, trying to figure out where he was and where the forest had come from.

But when he touched the leaves, two large green pools emerged from the ground, gurgling up from the earth until they formed into large bodies of water, either side each other. He could see them clearly as light shined through them from above but there was no sun to be seen in the sky. When he stared at them it was almost as if he could feel an emotion he couldn't quite grasp.

Why couldn't he remember?

When he began to almost remember something that he felt was important (in fact, the most important thing in the world to him), the water's surface would ripple. Underneath, he knew there was something or _someone_ that wanted to hurt him because he felt them reach out but he couldn't see it. When this happened, he would immediately run because no one would ever take him...no one would ever be able to touch him.

Wasn't that how he'd survived on his own for so long?

And then he would wake up with sweat covering his body. Every night he had this same dream and deep down he knew it was his sub-conscience trying to bring back what he'd lost.

Three months ago, he woke up and it was like a hazy dream and then he realised that five long years had been erased. And he'd had severe wounds too, a very bad gash to the head that he was told should have killed him and other minor injuries that were conclusive to him being in a fight.

It took a month for people to start coming back in his mind. The first had been Mitsuhide with some of their interactions being remembered, slowly but surely.

Then Kiki and Ryuu.

It took a month for him to remember Zen Wistalia - his Master. When he awoke the first night, a girl a little younger than himself was at his bedside.

She had the most brilliant apple red hair and her eyes were bright and the hue of them could only be described as a lush green forest. When she looked at him, he would always avoid her gaze as if it was second nature to do so.

He remembered her asking him if he remembered her.

He never did. He still _hadn't_ and he put it down to the fact that perhaps she just wasn't that important to him. He had thought she should have been because she was the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen and he probably wouldn't mind getting to know her, but she seemed distant and he mistook that for wary.

So he kept his distance from her.

If only he knew.

As time went by, she visited him less and less and now he was cleared for duty, he rarely saw the girl.

A knock was heard at his door, bringing him out of his thoughts. He flipped his legs over the side of the bed, bent down and grabbed a black long sleeved shirt and threw it over his head. He saw his pants that were crumpled, lazily strewn on the floor a meter away and so he grabbed them hastily.

He was just buttoning it up when the knock sounded again.

"Obi? C'mon man, its time to get up," said the sound of Mitsuhide.

When the door opened, he came face to face with the big, burly form of his mentor of five or so years and he grinned.

"Mister, what can I do for ya?" he asked with a yawn, putting his hand to his mouth politely, curving the sound he made.

Mitsuhide regarded him sternly. "Its midday."

Obi raised an eyebrow, wondering if that was bad?

"Yeah?"

"Zen wants to see you, you're meant to be going with us for the routine check at Laxdo."

Obi frowned at this. Wasn't he a Knight? Did Knights do that sort of thing usually?

"I'm training men for-" he wanted to say for the King because that's what he'd been tasked to do.

"No, you're coming with us."

"But yesterday-"

"Its a change of plan, Obi, but this is how it is."

He sighed and shrugged. "Alright, let me get my stuff."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Obi had agreed to meet Mitsuhide in his Master's office. When he scaled the wall up toward the window, he heard voices and caught the word "re-enactment".

So instead of revealing himself at the window sill, he hung off the edge, his fingertips holding him firmly in place. He had done that sort of thing numerous times and he had even tested himself one day to see how long his fingers would hold - lets just say it was long enough for him to eavesdrop on a conversation.

"-will it work?" his Master's voice was heard.

Silence. Then he heard her meek voice. It was so quiet but he managed to catch her words.

"...if it doesn't work, I will follow through with my plans."

He heard someone take a sharp intake of breath.

"Its not necessary for you to-"

"It _is_. I...why me, Zen?"

Silence again and he could hear footsteps and then muffled sobs.

"I did as you asked...I stopped asking and I stopped being in the same room with him-"

"Shirayuki...I never wanted to-" he began but stopped himself.

Ah. So it was that girl who he couldn't remember - the one with the red hair. Obi wondered what his Master's expression looked like.

"-he was becoming stressed by it, I think. He was asking why you kept...I just was afraid he would forget us again."

Footsteps were heard and a door was opened and shut again.

An audible sigh came from his Master's lips. "Maybe this will work."

"If it doesn't?" came the stoic questionable voice from Kiki.

"If it doesn't...well, he'll _never_ remember her."

Obi heard light footsteps, perhaps someone shorter or maybe a child. They were walking toward his Master's desk because they were closer toward the window where he sat.

"That's _not_ true, Prince Zen-"

"Ryuu, I told you that you can call me Zen."

The boy made an audible noise - perhaps a frustrated sigh?

"Zen. He might remember her. If she goes, she might be able to find something to help," Ryuu said quietly. "Garrack is working on something now, too, but it also may not work. Shirayuki has heard of something over in the other country-"

"If she goes there, she might not be able to come back as neither Tanbarun or Clarines are on good terms with them. And if she could, she would not be able to return as a Court Herbalist for Clarines...she would be considered a spy."

Silence enveloped the room.

"She's knows that."

"Lets hope this works," said his Master but his voice didn't hold much certainty.

"Why...why did you send her there? You _knew_ he would go...that he would try to save her."

It was Ryuu's voice again but it quivered. Obi couldn't tell if it was from anger or sadness. He didn't like that what ever had happened caused his friends and his Master so much anguish and sometimes he wished he could remember it all.

But, he had a feeling that what ever he'd forgotten was probably a blessing. It was like this feeling he had was the reason why he couldn't remember.

Maybe Shirayuki was someone who caused him a lot of pain and so he thought, perhaps he didn't want to remember her. And sometimes, not knowing things was a blessing.

He'd learned that from living on the streets for so long before he'd met Master. When you had to fend for yourself, alone and hungry, you were taught many things you wished you didn't know.

So Obi climbed back down the wall. He didn't want to hear anymore.

"He loved her...I _knew_ that. But I didn't know she loved _him_."

"I don't think she did either," said Ryuu sadly.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"You were meant to meet us in Zen's office," berated Mitsuhide, his horse coming alongside his as they trotted with Fort Laxdo in the horizon.

Obi grinned. "Oh? I thought you said meet at the gate? My apologies, Mister. I had to give instructions to Shiira before I left. I have more responsibilities now than when I'd first turned up on Master's door."

He noticed how Mitsuhide's gaze darkened and his brow furrowed, his thoughts going back to how they had first met.

"Say Obi...do you remember that day?" Mitsuhide asked quietly, trying not to gain Zen's attention who was up front with Shirayuki.

She had since learned how to ride by herself and so didn't need to buddy up with anyone on a horse anymore. Her and Zen were speaking in low tones up the front.

A small smile adorned her face and Zen seemed to be making small talk with her. Like old times except that she didn't love Zen anymore.

And Zen had told everyone not to bring up anecdotes with Shirayuki in them because Obi would probably reject them and it could cause his mind to become stressed.

Mitsuhide turned back to Obi, waiting for his response. He still could not believe that Obi didn't remember her and it only made him feel guilty and just full of utter sorrow...for her _and_ Obi.

"Yeah. I shot an arrow at someone," Obi said thoughtfully.

Mitsuhide's eyes widened. "You remember?"

"Yeah. I can't remember who it was but I wasn't trying to kill them, if that's what you're gettin' at Mister," laughed Obi as he turned back to the road.

Zen's aide sighed and his shoulder's fell again. He _still_ didn't remember.

"That Haruka...he was a cunning one. I like his style though," said Obi with a grin.

"It was-" began Mitsuhide before Kiki had her horse alongside his all of a sudden and her stern gaze was upon him.

She shook her head.

"-never mind. We're two hours away, lets pick up the pace. Hyaa!" he kicked his heels into his horse's side and surged up the front toward Shirayuki and Zen.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The forest was hazy tonight, not like any other night that his dreams brought him here. It was red, beautifully so, but there were less trees this time.

And like every other night, he reached out and touched some of the leaves. They felt silky though, unlike their usual wet, slightly ridged feeling, like they weren't even leaves and were warm to the touch as if they were alive.

The forest shook and he heard a babbling brook; he knew it was the water.

Just like all the other times.

When they emerged from the earth and formed into two large bodies of water in the middle of the red forest, the green in them seemed even more vivid.

Suddenly, he heard a voice. It was so far away and every time it spoke, the water rippled.

It was coming again...the thing beneath the water. He wanted to run but found he couldn't move.

 _"Don't fall asleep, Obi!_ _"_

He made out the words this time and he wanted to run far away. He wanted to scream that he didn't want to remember, he didn't _want_ to be caught by what ever it was that was trying to get him.

Obi looked up and the red trees, the earth and the two green pools began getting further away, or so he thought. They were getting smaller and finally began to take a different form.

But before he could see what it was, he awoke, sitting up right. His heart was hammering in his chest, his body was covered in sweat and then he looked beside him to wide eyes and red hair.

She reached forward to rest her hands on his shoulders to calm him but his heart began to beat even faster and so his first instinct was to push her away.

He slapped her hands away from him. "Don't _touch_ me," he said dangerously quiet, his auburn, cat-like eyes narrowed at her.

Shirayuki gasped in shock, not caring that her arms stung from where he'd swatted her away. The hurt in her _heart_ was far worse.

He looked at her like she was a stranger and he had that look in his eye that she'd never seen directed at her before.

Like she was an enemy...like she couldn't be trusted.

She kept telling herself that it was because he didn't remember her. That's all. She could get through this because he _would_ remember her.

Soon. Soon he would remember...

She lowered her head and her gaze fell to her hands that were now clutched together in her lap. Tears formed in her eyes but she ignored them for now.

"I-I'm sorry," she murmured. "I-I was just...you were having a nightmare and I was just trying to...I'm _sorry_."

Obi's gaze softened for a moment, realising he'd been incredibly rude to her and possibly even physically hurt her but before he could voice his apology, she had got up from kneeling beside him and had left through the line of trees surrounding the campsite.

All of a sudden, Mitsuhide, Kiki and Zen came out into the clearing, as if on cue. Was this planned? Was this part of the 're-enactment' they had been speaking of?

Their faces were forlorn and regretful. He remembered them saying that there wasn't enough room in the fort for them to stay and he hadn't questioned them, except, that it made no sense.

He heard a crackle that came from the fire and his eyes honed in on the flames for a moment.

"Who was she to me?" he asked quietly, causing them to look at him with uncertainty in their eyes.

Zen gripped the hilt of his sword, removing it as he stepped over a log and sat on top of it, letting his sword rest beside him on the ground. Mitsuhide and Kiki followed suit and took their spots in front of the fire.

Mitsuhide opened his mouth to reply, but Zen held up his hand to silence him and gave him a warning glance.

"What do _you_ think, Obi?"

Obi's jaw tightened. When he looked at her, all he saw was a beautiful woman that was pure, kind...too good for her to hold the heart of anyone less worthy. He knew she was a herbalist so her hands only knew how to heal and give life back, Ryuu had told him that much. Where as his hands took life away. He had no illusions about what his skill set was and neither did his Master, that's why Zen had told him that he could rely on him.

He would never be worthy enough for a woman like her to care for him in a way that he wished someone could.

So he could only come to one conclusion about her.

"No one."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

His eyes settled on her as she flitted across the fort, working away below. She was talking with various soldiers, giving them general health checks as she met with each of them at their posts.

He crouched on the stone wall, perfectly balanced as usual, observing with slight intrigue. He knew she had been upset last night but this morning, she was working away as if nothing had occurred.

At least her work ethic wasn't something to slouch at.

They all seemed to like her too, especially that soldier named Shuka. He remembered him from years ago when he was a younger man - a trainee. He was now a fully fledged soldier and stood quite a bit taller than he had before.

Obi had been ordered to guard the fort wall because some of the other soldiers needed to be on the ground for their check ups and also so that Zen could speak with them in groups about the goings on at Wistal and across Clarines.

Hours passed and it seemed that Zen and his aides had gone inside for dinner.

That was when he spotted her down below. He found himself on the ground now, standing in front of her as he landed gracefully on his feet.

She looked up at him with surprise.

"Shirayuki, isn't it?" he asked hesitantly, wondering if she hated him after how he spoke to her last night.

Her surprise fell from her face and a sadness crept into it.

She nodded, finally.

"Apologies for last night. I get grumpy when I wake up, I guess," he said coming off jovially as he reached a hand to the back of his head.

It was awkward after that.

"O-oh! That's okay, I understand," she said softly but the smile that lifted the corners of her mouth looked off to him.

Like it wasn't real.

"Obi," she began quietly and then her green orbs looked up at him.

He didn't know what it was about her eyes but he felt like he recognised them.

 _Green pools_. And suddenly fear gripped him.

"Do you...do you remember anything about-"

"You keep asking me that, but the answer will always be the same, Shirayuki," he said in a clipped tone, keeping to the back of his mind his slight recognition of something but then it slipped away as quickly as it came.

It made him angry.

Obi towered above her, arms crossed over his chest, frustration clouding his thoughts. She was so short and small - not intimidating at all and yet, he was kind of scared of her.

He was scared of what he would remember if he continued to be in her presence.

"Y-you used to call me, _Miss_."

His eyes widened and he took a step back cautiously. "That would mean that I thought you were above my station but you're not."

The harsh words were out of his mouth but he hadn't meant them to sound so vicious. It was just the truth.

He thought she would yell at him or do something other than look so defeated but she just nodded with tears in her eyes.

"You're right, I'm not. You used to call me that because you thought I was but then it was just a nickname."

Obi frowned, his mind wondering if that were true. It did make sense, he supposed. He was playful with his words and joked around a lot.

"Maybe. But if I gave you such an endearing nickname, why don't I remember you?" he asked but it was more rhetorical.

He was asking himself that question but Shirayuki could feel her heart crumble beneath her because she'd asked the same question of herself a million times.

The cold night air began to settle in and the last of the light was beginning to fade from the land. A cool breeze blew by and Obi watched as it picked up strands of Shirayuki's beautiful apple red locks, making her look even more surreal and alluring that ever before, even in the fading light.

He studied her, watching as she tried to hold back her tears and had turned away from him.

"I'm sorry for what ever pain this is causing you, Shirayuki, but...maybe...maybe I didn't care about you as much as you thought I did," he said quietly and then put one foot in front of the other until he'd walked past her sobbing form and left to go inside the fort.

He ignored the pang of guilt that struck through him, not knowing the reason why.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

He'd had one too many ale's tonight, he knew that but he couldn't resist. It was the first time, since waking up with his memories gone, that he'd had a drop of alcohol.

They'd arrived back from Fort Laxdo six months ago and the air around his friends and Shirayuki was filled with something he didn't want to think about. He somehow knew that _he_ was the cause of that but he couldn't help it, could he?

Obi had tried to remember, several times, he'd even taken some drink concoction that Garrack - the head of the pharmacy - had given him to try a month after the trip to Fort Laxdo to ease the memories back but nothing had come to him.

And now he was at the point where he wondered whether he even _needed_ to remember the rest. He still had his skill set (never forgotten), he had remembered everyone else and most of everything that had happened in the past five years, so forgetting one person out of the many wasn't really that bad.

He slammed his wooden pint mug down on the table as he'd just finished his last mouthful when the barmaid came up to him asking him if he wanted another.

He'd given her a toothy grin, a flirtatious smirk, but shook his head.

Sleep sounded good. He thought about asking the girl upstairs with him but thought better of it seeing how he could hardly walk and doubted his moves in the bedroom would be much better.

He grabbed the room key she'd given him after he passed some gold coins over to her haphazardly.

When his head hit the pillow (wasn't sure how he made it to his bed, let alone the right room), his dreams came to life and as usual, the red forest greeted him and for the first time he didn't dread it.

Obi didn't feel scared, he didn't push it away and if someone or something wanted to attack him then he thought they should try.

No one could beat him, not when he'd survived this long.

The forest surrounded him and it was even smaller this time. The red leaves coaxed him into touching them and the water emerged from the ground and almost instantaneously, the forest and the water merged into a smaller being.

He remembered that this is what happened the night he had his dream at Fort Laxdo. He'd had this dream every night since then but he hadn't heard the voices again.

Until now.

He could feel around him how the leaves shifted away from him and he looked behind him; turned his body in awe because he knew what it had changed into.

The red leaves had turned into red hair and the green pools were actually eyes. It was _her_.

Shirayuki. And she was standing in front of him now.

The woman of his dreams. His _Miss_.

And his eyes widened. It all flooded back to him in visions and some he could hear.

The Shirayuki in front of him spoke and then the last scene before his mind had gone dark was played out before him where the forest had been before.

 _He knew he'd just arrived as the men from Gladgolt had descended upon the cottage. They were dressed in black fabric with black cloth covering their faces with only their eyes revealed. Obi watched as they crouched in front of the side of the cottage, daggers in hand, and one of them chanced a glance through the lit window._

 _"She's in there. According to my spy, she works for the King."_

 _"How do you know its her?" hissed one of the other men in a whisper._

 _The man motioned his thumb up to the window and the other man frowned but quickly raised his head to see a girl with red hair, putting a kettle in the fire._

 _"The girl with red hair...she's the one who healed those people in Lyrias-"_

 _"Yes, and she works for the King of Clarines. You know our orders. Where's Hidan?" whispered the first man._

 _The second man pointed to the back of the cottage. And then suddenly a scream erupted from within the dwelling._

 _Obi clenched his fists, pulling out his kunai knives. It had been a while since he'd spilled blood and without being ordered to._

 _When all three of the men had gone inside, he kicked the door down and dispatched the man holding Shirayuki by the neck as a knife whizzed past her head and dug itself into the man's eye. She collapsed to the ground, gasping for air on her hands and knees. When she was able to breath a little better, her eyes flew up to Obi as he threw a kunai knife to his left which lodged in one of their throats._

 _"O-Obi! What are you doing here?!"_

 _"I don't think now is the time to ask that, Miss," he said quickly, dodging a round house kick._

 _Obi jumped backwards in a flip and landed on his feet as the last man left rushed forward with a blade in his hand. Obi grabbed the man's arm that held the knife and forced it into his ribs, hoping that it pierced his heart._

 _When the man slumped to the ground, he looked down at Shirayuki and rushed to her side._

 _"Are you okay, Miss?" he asked softly and Shirayuki saw the fear in his eyes and it shocked her._

 _Obi wasn't meant to be here since he had been on his own mission with Kiki and Mitsuhide to the border to find out if war was going to break out. That was two days ago._

 _When he had returned, finding the pharmacy vacant of his Miss's presence to be told that she'd gone on her **own** mission, he had quickly made his way to Zen's office. _

_His Master had sent her here as an olive branch to show the King of Gladgolt that their nation meant peace by sending one of their healers to help the village that bordered both their countries._

 _Obi wasn't pleased by the news but Zen had looked apologetic, explaining that there was no time to wait for his return because relations with Gladgolt were already rocky and this was their last chance to show them that Clarines didn't want war._

 _He'd sent some soldiers Obi had trained to go with her._

 _The village that Shirayuki went to which bordered both Clarines and Gladgolt was in the crux of forest and vast barren lands on the side of Gladgolt - in other words, they were in the middle of nowhere._

 _There had been an outbreak of some disease that Shirayuki had just finished helping with and if she hadn't, over half their village would have perished within the week._

 _Unfortunately, word got back to Clarines that the King of Gladgolt held no such thoughts of peace between the two countries and that only meant that Shirayuki was in danger._

 _Zen hadn't meant for Obi to go quite yet and had even ordered him not to because the situation was delicate, but deep down, he had **hoped** that Obi would save her because being a Prince meant that you couldn't do what you wanted. That included going to save a friend in danger._

 _Obi crouched down, grabbing Shirayuki's hands and she nodded and smiled up at him. His eyes glanced at her neck where red marks were forming and a light purple hue began to blemish her skin._

 _Shirayuki noticed his gaze and as he moved up to touch the raw skin she grabbed it in mid-air. "Its okay, Obi, it looks worse than it looks."_

 _She could see her words weren't deterring his anger._

 _"If I hadn't been here..." his voice was shaking from rage and his eyes were narrowed._

 _"My guards..."_

 _Obi's jaw tightened and shook his head._

 _Her eyes widened and Obi saw how they glistened as tears began to form. He had known them too. He'd seen them out the back and they'd put up a fight but when the enemy is sprung on you in a preemptive strike, sometimes you lose._

 _"Obi," she spoke quietly as she reached forward, placing her palms on his cheeks._

 _His auburn, cat-like orbs widened at her touch and he focused on how close her face was to his._

 _She was on her knees in front of him now, looking down at him._

 _"You always save me," she whispered. "Always protect me...you're my constant...my...home."_

 _Obi's heart skipped a beat and as he was about to question her, his mouth open with words on the tip of his tongue, she leaned down and just as her lips began to graze his own, movement from behind them caught Shirayuki's attention._

 _She pulled away, eyes wide and screamed, pushing Obi away which allowed the blade to miss stabbing through his cranium but instead, left a deep gash. Blood poured from his head but Obi managed to get to his feet. He stood in a combat stance with a blade in his hand, his shoulders were slumped and his breathing was heavier than usual and was swaying; he would probably pass out soon but he had to do everything he could to protect Shirayuki._

 _He heard Shirayuki shriek at him to stop because he was injured and she even pleaded with her attacker. Of course, it was all in vain and they continued to stand off in front of each other._

 _The man lunged with a dagger in his hand. Obi tried to dodge but the dagger nicked his arm and then the side of his chest. Obi managed to dodge a final move before the man collapsed to the ground, lifeless with blood pooled around him as the wound in his chest finally caused his death._

 _"Obi!" screamed Shirayuki as she rushed toward him, grabbing his arm and slinging it over her shoulder before he hit the ground._

 _"M-Miss," he whispered as his vision blurred.  
_

 _He hoped he got them all...not like the last time he'd passed out with his Miss's screams the last thing he'd heard._

 _His eyes were clouding over so she knew he was about to close his eyes but if he did, she wasn't sure he would wake up._

 _"Obi! Don't fall asleep, Obi!"_

He awoke with a start and sat up finding himself in a strange bed.

Sweat covered his chest and his eyes blinked rapidly as they began to adjust to the light that flitted through the curtains of what he assumed was the Inn down town in Wistal. He looked over toward the window to find that it was at least early to late morning.

A headache started to thump at his temples and he raised a hand, using his middle finger and thumb to massage them softly and a groan escaped his lips.

He'd had far too much to drink but...

His eyes flew open as the memory from nearly eleven months ago came back to him from his dreams and the realisation that all the dreams he'd had since that day...the red forest...the two green pools...they were _her_. Of course they were.

This whole time, it was Shirayuki...his Mistress. And he'd-

Obi raced to his feet, throwing on his boots quickly, and rushed out of the room.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

As he ran down the street toward Wistal castle, snippets of memories started coming back to him.

He absently wondered why his memory had revealed itself now after eleven months. Was it the alcohol? Did it relax his mind?

Or had it been because it gave him the courage to finally face his dream head on?

For eleven months he hadn't wanted to remember, not knowing why or what it was that he should be scared of remembering.

He understood now. It was just like when he first realised he loved Shirayuki because he hated the feeling at first and was confused by it.

Perhaps that's why he'd been afraid to remember because subconsciously his unrequited love laid dormant, forgotten.

But then it wasn't exactly unrequited was it? Not since the day he lost his memories, not since she almost kissed him.

 _That_ was what he hadn't wanted to face...someone he had wanted for so long wanting him back.

It had taken him a long time to finally realise Shirayuki had cared for him as a dear friend, not understanding why until she explained it one day.

 _She held a cold press to his head. It was soothing and her leaning over him, quietly, delicately pressing the back of her other hand to his cheek was making his stomach do backflips._

 _Some strands of her hair that rested on her back, fell forward and was felt on his bare chest, just above the bandages that wrapped around his torso, tightly._

 _He looked up into her eyes to see a strain in them and he could just feel her annoyance coming off her in droves. She was focused on her ministrations at the moment but he knew that her berating was soon to come._

 _"Miss, I'm fine, honestly," he said with a smile but when she looked down at him, her eyes **definitely** narrowed. _

_She glared at him and continued to do so until she was sitting back down on a stool beside his bed._

 _"No you're not. Zen told me what you did-"_

 _"I had to do that, Miss-"_

 _"No, you didn't!" she exclaimed, her voice raised and her fists were clenched in her lap. "You didn't." Her voice was drawn back now, quiet and he wondered why she looked scared._

 _"You think that because you didn't have anyone for so long that people don't care about you. Well, you **do** have people that care about you... **I** care about you."_

 _Obi's eyes had widened, first in surprise at her outburst and then at her words that hit him right at home. Did she really mean that?_

 _"Shiray-" he began with a gasp but stopped himself before he said her name._

 _No. No he couldn't possibly say it._

 _"Every time you go out on a mission or what ever it is where there's danger, I want you to think, who is it that will miss me? And when you do, I want you to think of me because you're so precious to me...you've very important and I don't want anything to happen to you, okay?"_

He remembered that when she'd said that, he hadn't responded for the longest time.

And from then, he finally knew that she cared for him, but to go from that to initiating something so intimate such as kissing, well, that was something he hadn't grasped at the time and then he'd passed out.

Obi knew that was the cause of why he didn't remember her until now. What a fool he was.

Before he knew it, he'd arrived at the castle and he ran through the gates without even acknowledging the guards.

Shiira and and Kai had simply shared a look and shrugged.

He saw the pharmacy up ahead and he knew that Shirayuki wasn't here anymore but surely Ryuu or Garrack would know _something_ of her whereabouts because he'd never bothered to know where she was going when she'd left six months ago.

In fact, he'd said many unforgivable, hurtful things to her before she'd left without realising just who she was to him. He'd quelled such behaviors before he'd met her, a long time ago, but it seemed losing his memory pulled back the skin to reveal that underneath was the snake he knew he was.

He'd just never shown it to her until then. He let it out when she'd been captured by the Claw and to his enemies but mostly he'd forgotten what he was like without her.

Obi slipped in through the pharmacy window and as his feet landed softly on the ground he came face to face with a shocked Ryuu.

"Y-you used the window," he said, which was a statement but also a question.

He stood taller now, a teenager and much different to how he was nearly six years ago when Shirayuki and Obi had first arrived. Ryuu held a notepad in his arms and a book and Obi noticed he had a vial of Feverfew in his hand that was located on a high shelf but Ryuu had managed to get it down on his own.

It was then that Ryuu's words shocked him. Come to think of it, he hadn't used the window ever since he lost his memory eleven months ago. And now that he remembered it occurred to him that he'd automatically used his usual entry without realising. The kid had always said that the window sill was _his_ spot. Obi's.

That statement had always made him feel like family...like he belonged.

"Little Ryuu," he smiled down at the nonchalant genius.

Ryuu's eyes widened. "You...you remember, don't you?"

Obi's smile fell because he'd forgotten just how perceptive Ryuu was.

"She knew you would someday, even when everyone believed you wouldn't," said Ryuu sadly with pity in his eyes.

He wondered if the pity was reserved for Shirayuki or himself.

"Do you...do you know where she is?" he asked quietly, just in case Garrack or the other apprentices were around.

Obi's shoulders were slightly slouched and his eyes were focused on the ground. Even if he could find her, how could he even face her?

Ryuu's eyes looked away too because he knew she was long gone...six months long gone. And to be honest, he knew that it hadn't been Obi's fault that he lost his memory of her but he hadn't been _nice_ and so he wasn't sure he should tell him where her last letter had come from.

The teen pursed his lips, his fingers curling around the top of the book in his hand uncomfortably. Obi noticed.

"You do, don't you?" asked Obi, more firmly than before and his eyes were on Ryuu now.

Ryuu didn't answer straight away.

"She won't come back, there's no point-"

" _Ryuu_ ," warned Obi, his eyes narrowed a little and there it was again.

The part of himself that came out when she wasn't around...he _needed_ her and it seemed Shirayuki wasn't the only one that had seen what he was like without her.

Obi tried again, this time softer and less harsh. "I know that I...I know I hurt her. I tried to remember-"

"No, you didn't! You said you did but I know that you were just scared, I could see it in your eyes every time you were around her!" yelled Ryuu in frustration, slamming his book and notepad to the ground.

They fell to the floor with a loud clatter.

Obi took a half step back in shock and looked around to see if Garrack or one of the other apprentices would come rushing around the corner.

No one did so he assumed that it was just Ryuu in the office at the moment. He turned his attention back to him and he half wondered if this was actually Little Ryuu that was standing before him.

His violet orbs were ablaze, his fists were clenched at his sides and his body was stiff, rigid and shaking a little.

"Ryuu..." began Obi quietly as he took a step forward and before Ryuu knew it, Obi had his hands on his shoulders.

Just like when he was younger, Obi could calm him and know just how to make him feel like there was nothing to worry about - even though there was.

"Sometimes, deep down, I wanted us to stay in Lyrias. Just the three of us," his voice was barely above a whisper but Obi could hear him.

Obi's expression softened and was about to say something when Ryuu turned away, pulling out of his grasp and walked to his desk. Before he sat down, he gave a sigh and rested his hands on top of the back of the chair.

"She's gone, Obi. I got a letter from her a month ago and she was in the Tanbarun mountain's but her plan was to move on from there. She was supposed to go to Gladgolt so I'm not sure but if she returned here...she would be classed as a spy, what with how the relations between our countries are at the moment."

Ryuu looked over at Obi now and as usual his mask was firmly in place, but, even the most talented poker face had a hole.

For Obi, it was his eyes. He even remembered Shirayuki commenting on them on numerous occasions.

 _Shirayuki, Zen's aides, Prince Zen, Garrack and Ryuu sat around a table, taking in the atmosphere of the tavern. Zen was hidden in plain clothes and a cloak with his hood up though. They laughed and carried on, just as the rest of the occupants did as they merrily drank the night away._

 _It was Christmas, after all._

 _Suddenly a conversation came up and somehow, everyone began to prod Obi about where he was born, his heritage and various other things. Ryuu noticed that Obi was smiling but his eyes told another story._

 _Zen began to start asking more fervently now and Ryuu looked over to Shirayuki to find that her eyes hadn't left Obi._

 _"Is this really Christmas talk, Zen? Come on, look at that man over there," she laughed, pointing toward a middle aged man who was trying to juggle four pints; obviously heading for disaster._

 _Heads turned toward the drunkard. Zen's eyes widened and he burst out laughing, smacking Mitsuhide on the back as he murmured to his aide about how he could never achieve such talent to which Mitsuhide glared and Kiki patted him on the head in agreement._

 _Garrack laughed and shook her head before getting up and bidding them all a good night._

 _Ryuu looked to Obi. He was sitting on the opposite end of the table but his eyes hadn't left Shirayuki and his eyes looked thankful for the change of subject._

 _He turned to Shirayuki, pulling on her sleeve so that he could whisper in her ear. Not that anyone would be able to hear him over all the laughter and shenanigans going on in the room._

 _"You knew he didn't want to talk about it."_

 _Her eyes widened in surprise at the sudden statement before she pursed her lips and nodded once._

 _"It was his eyes that told me," she said into Ryuu's ear but her eyes looked up for a moment and locked with Obi's._

 _Ryuu looked over too and now that Shirayuki had pointed that fact out and Obi's eyes seemed to reveal to him that he wanted to know what they were talking about._

 _The young boy shot over a grin...something Ryuu never did so he knew that Obi would think it was suspicious._

 _Shirayuki pursed her lips, trying to hold in a grin herself and somehow Ryuu knew it wasn't because of him. When she thought of Obi sometimes, Ryuu noticed how her cheeks would blush a little or she would grin uncontrollably. Other times, she would even laugh to herself, making Ryuu question her sanity at times._

 _"He has the most beautiful eyes, Ryuu, don't you think?" she said, looking back down at Ryuu and put an arm around his shoulder, leaning her head against his in a hug._

 _His cheeks began to blush suddenly but he didn't push her away._

 _"How many have you had?" he asked with a small smile forming._

 _Shirayuki laughed again but ignored his question._

 _"Eyes are the windows to the soul, you know? Such beautiful, spectacular eyes like Obi's must have seen many things. Sometimes I wonder...I wonder how many things he's seen and where he's been. But its not up to us to ask. If he wants to tell us, we should let him do it at his own pace," she whispered in Ryuu's ear and then a giggle emerged._

 _Ryuu rolled his eyes at her and although she was a little tipsy, her words were true._

 _"I think you should go to bed, Shirayuki," he said a little louder than necessary and immediately he got the desired result because Obi was on his feet in seconds._

 _Zen, who was in an animated conversation with Kiki and Mitsuhide, watched Obi's movements. He looked away when he saw that Obi was coming to Shirayuki's aid as usual and continued with his conversation._

 _The arm that had been resting over Ryuu's shoulder was lifted as Obi brought her small body to his chest with an arm underneath the back of her legs and another rested on her upper back. Shirayuki gasped and then giggled, letting her arm wrap around Obi's broad shoulders and her other hand rested on his chest. Her cheeks were flushed as she leaned her head into the crook of his neck and sighed.  
_

 _Ryuu saw Obi's reaction._

 _"Master, Miss needs to go-" he began but Zen waved him off with a grin._

 _"I can see that, she can never hold her liquor, can she?" he laughed, shaking his head. "We should be going too, lets go together."_

 _"Did you want to-" Obi began, watching as Zen got up from his seat, as did Kiki and Mitsuhide. Obi was hesitant, seeking approval from his Master to touch his Mistress.  
_

 _It wasn't like before, a few years ago when Shirayuki had a few sips of alcohol and Obi was carrying her to Zen. This time, he was carrying her away from him and Ryuu noticed how the Prince didn't get annoyed like he had before._

 _Zen shook his head with a small, somewhat regretful smile and then his eyes met with the Knight._

 _"No. You keep holding her," he said softly. "You always do."_

Obi felt his heart hammer against his chest with dread. Would he ever see her again?

Ryuu watched him leave, quietly thanking him as he left. He hadn't _lied_ but he hadn't told the whole truth either.

Shirayuki had left six months ago to find a cure to Obi's memory loss. He remembered the tears in her eyes and how she vowed never to return until she had it.

 _ **"I won't give up on us."**_

* * *

The room was as cold as ice and the foreboding feeling of death was on all their minds.

A month ago, an outbreak of a virus occurred in the town of Wistal. At first, Garrack was able to manage it but somehow it seemed to spread too widely and too quickly. She believed it to be a mutation of a flu strain (which was consistent of the symptoms she'd seen her patients suffer), however, as she investigated further she discovered it wasn't that at all and was in fact something they hadn't encountered before.

But by the time she made this discovery, it was too late and people were dying. And then she herself contracted the virus but continued to work in quarantine with Ryuu being the sole investigator with access to the pharmacy.

"Give me a status report, Ryuu," said the stoic voice of the King.

The young man, who was on one knee in the throne room in front of King Izana, Queen Haki and Prince Zen, nodded obediently.

"Garrack...she's bed ridden now."

He heard Zen gasp and saw Haki's eyes widen in horror - it was only Izana who was level headed, his mind always thinking ahead of all the possible outcomes they hadn't yet thought of.

"But, I believe we can be saved."

Izana scowled down at the boy.

"You can't be suggesting _her_ ," the King snapped from being irritated, tired and also, deep down, very scared.

Ryuu took a breath knowing that what he was about to say would probably anger him more.

"They call her the lady of the night, the Scarlett savior that the country has been talking about for months. The stories that we have gotten from all over the country tell of a beautiful healing maiden with majestic red hair who sweeps in with the moon light, helps those who need medical help and disperses as the moon falls," explained Ryuu, his violet orbs falling knowingly onto Obi.

He can see how it troubles Obi that she's traveling alone, unprotected... _without_ him. His eyes tell him all he needs to know because Obi had heard the stories too.

He'd searched high and low for her, when he was allowed the time to leave, but he'd found nothing so far. One time he was sure that he'd been close, but like in the stories, she disappeared.

Rumor had it that she sought something precious and that the only payment she had ever asked for was a way to heal memories lost. Obi had heard that too and it made him feel ill with guilt every time he over heard a soldier talk about her as he walked by or when he was in the market down town, people would be chatting about her or even when he wanted to drown his sorrows in ale at the tavern, he could hear their voices of hope because she _gave_ that to them.

So far, all the rumors said that she had not yet been paid with what she had asked for.

Suddenly a knock was heard that echoed through the entire hall.

"Enter," spoke Izana's stoic voice.

A soldier poked his head in and nodded to the King. "Sir. Shirayuki is at the gate. She wishes to speak with you, should I arrest her?"

Ryuu watched as Obi seemed to stiffen in his position next to Zen and the Prince's jaw tightened at his brother's last words.

Cool blue eyes indicated that Izana was thoughtful and then Haki placed a soft, warm hand on the King's forearm to his right. He looked down at her and his gaze lost its harshness for a moment.

"Young Ryuu is right, your Grace. I believe...I believe she's our only hope now and Ryuu needs the help desperately."

Zen snapped his head to his right to look up at his brother. Would he really arrest her?

"No, don't arrest her but you may escort her here with haste."


End file.
